I love how trendy the DC metro map has become. I was attending a 4th of July event on the hill and in order to not wait forever in the restroom line I wandered over to the Artomatic and discovered this painting. The DC metro map was also the cover for the July edition of the Washingtonian. I’ve been reminiscing about my super hero essay I wrote last fall for the MAS Account Planning application process and with all the current hype decided it was post worthy:
Alice Joad Taylor
After moving from the slow-paced dusty roads of the Midwest into the hustle and bustle of a large metropolitan area, I have discovered the bittersweet ways of life surrounding the public transportation system. A system in which I was once unfamiliar with has now become a large part of my everyday routine. While public transportation provides many with an alternative to facing the aggressive traffic issues in a big city and promotes initiatives to a greener greater lifestyle, the everyday evils that an average rider endures can be grueling.
Batman, Spiderman and all the other conventional superheroes spend the day and night fighting crime and evil. As the Public Transportation Fairy I might not be as famous or even on the radar yet, but I will soon break out of the shadows to put the importance of metro etiquette on the map.
I travel from metro trains to metro buses making sure everyone has a safe and happy commute. With the touch of my magic metro etiquette wand, I instill the power of knowledge on passengers to ensure that one day, if my guidelines are followed, everyone will arrive to their future destination with a smile. I also never leave home without my charity coin purse to help forgetful riders who are a potential liability by making everyone late while they dig for spare quarters.
With a whisk of the wrist, an internal guide to an enjoyable, yet efficient metro ride is ingrained in the mind of public transportation passengers. It covers all the bases of proper etiquette from start to finish.
Chapter 1: Take Off
Never leave the house without double-checking to make sure you have correct change or your handy dandy metro card. Knowing the value on your card is just as important as having it with you. The sound the machine makes when you have a negative balance is not only embarrassing, but the sound the people behind you make in annoyance is equally as bad.
One thing that most riders tend to forget is that everyone is in a hurry. When approaching the station or stop there is no need to push, rush, or crowd people around you. Doing so is not only dangerous, but can be the cause for a very uncomfortable ride when you just happen to end up sitting next to person you knocked over with your oversized gym bag for five stops.
Chapter 2: The Ride
Unfortunately the song, Life Is A Highway, does not apply to an average trip on the metro. “I want to ride it all night long” has never crossed my mind. It doesn’t matter if your trip is five minutes or an hour, it can turn bad in seconds. Once you have boarded your respective bus or train, we now are faced with the sitting vs. standing clause.
If you are lucky enough to have the opportunity to snag a seat, do so with gratitude. The icy stares of those standing are proof that you should be thankful. Never take up two seats. Do not even think about using a seat for your bags. Nine times out of ten someone will ask you to move them so they can sit there. The iPod has proven to be the perfect armor against awkward conversation when sitting next to a stranger. If you choose this weapon you must make sure not to abuse it. Make sure the volume is at an appropriate level so you can still rock out, but not let the rest of the bus know exactly what tune you are rocking out to. I enjoy music just as much, if not more, than the average rider, but don’t enjoy hearing the blaring bass of another’s iPod next to me. If you choose a traditional newspaper as your escape, make sure to fold it in half to avoid elbow space wars with your neighbor. Sunglasses are crucial. Not only do they help stars shield their identity from paparazzi, they help metro riders avoid unwanted eye contact. When you are in such close in proximity to one another, it is almost impossible to not stare at glaring fashion faux pas, but with sunglasses, not everyone has to know exactly who you are gawking at underneath those shades.
If you are allocated to the standing section, make sure to stand your ground, literally. The sudden stops and unexpected jerks can cause any young lady trying out her new heels to fly to the front with a feeble stance. Always move to the back to eliminate a backlog of passengers boarding. When a seat opens up you have to be quick and strategic. Do not be pushy, but being overly cautious will not work in your favor. It is every man for himself when it comes to getting a seat, but you do not want to be known for taking a seat away from a pregnant passenger. It always helps to watch the body language of those already sitting to help determine when they are about release their open seats. Have eyes like a hawk.
Chapter 3: Final Destination
Getting off the train or bus can be just as tricky as getting on. When you know your stop is coming up, it helps to start making your way to the exits. This eliminates the mass chaos of everyone trying to pile off at once. It is not a good idea to try and fit more than two passengers through the doorway. Watching people try is pretty amusing, but the end result can be dangerous. The simple “excuse me” always helps make the route to the exit a pleasant one and I’m not talking about the attitudinal “excuse me”, that will take you in a completely different direction. If you have made it this far without a glitch, you can consider your ride as almost successful.
Once these guidelines are processed and put into action, you can bask in your public transportation etiquette glory. My work as The Public Transportation Etiquette Fairy is done and the world is on the way to being a better place, one happy metro ride at a time.
